THIS JOURNEY HAS BEEN VERY ENLIGHTENING. DECIDING AS A PART OF MY PATH FORWARD THAT I WOULD BE OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT HOW I AM FEELING HAS HAD PEOPLE AROUND ME APPROACH AND SHARE THEIR OWN STORIES, OF PAIN, CONFUSION, FRUSTRATION, HURT AND ANGUISH. THE FACT THAT MANY OF US ARE STRUGGLING DOES NOT SURPRISE ME AND I WONDER HOW MANY ARE LIKE I WAS, SILENT AND ALONE. THE STANDOUT THING FOR ME THOUGH IS THAT ONCE I PUT MYSELF OUT THERE, EXPOSED MYSELF AND THE DIFFICULTIES I WAS FACING MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND PHYSICALLY, IT ALLOWED OTHERS THE FREEDOM TO SHARE WITH ME. THIS IS AN OBVIOUS RESULT OF THEM FEELING THAT THEY COULD SHARE WITH ME SAFELY, BEING THAT WE HAD A COMMONALITY IN HOW WE WERE MANAGING OR TRYING TO MANAGE OUR MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. IT WAS ONLY A SHORT TIME AGO THAT I FELT TOTALLY ALONE AND ISOLATED IN MY STRUGGLE, FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS I WAS UNABLE TO ADMIT TO ANYONE THAT I WAS NOT WELL MENTALLY. THIS WAS MOSTLY IN PART DUE TO THE DELICATE AND VERY PERSONAL ISSUES THAT WERE THE CATALYST TO MY UNWELLNESS. IN FACT, EVEN THOUGH I AM VERY OPEN NOW ABOUT HOW I FEEL, I AM STILL VERY GUARDED AROUND TALKING ABOUT WHY….BUT THAT WILL COME.
I HAVE GAINED A HUGE AMOUNT OF STRENGTH, INSIGHT AND UNDERSTANDING FROM BEING ABLE TO SHARE MY FEELINGS AND AS A RESULT I HAVE MADE SIGNIFICANT ADVANCEMENT IN HEALING THE ASPECTS OF ME THAT HAD CONTROLLED ME ALL THESE YEARS. it is said that “a problem shared is a problem halved”, i dont know if it is always halved but it has undoubtedly been helpful to me to find a voice and share my feelings and challenges. Alongside the professional help i am getting i have also confided in friends, this has been a major step forward in my healing and understanding of self. i was terrified initially at the prospect of letting anyone know i was struggling, i come from a place where i needed to always seem strong so venturing those first few tentative words was extremely hard for me and i feared they would be met with ridicule. it turned out to be quite the opposite and i found myself supported and encouraged. this brings me to today, where i am confident and strong enough to share in these blogs. it was important for me to understand i needed help, once i recognised that i was able to build the courage it took to seek that help. my counselling has been crucial to my advancement but it must be said i have been helped immeasurably by the friends i have shared with, support can come from the most unlikely places and i am blessed to have some amazing people around me.
i honestly underestimated the power of people caring. reach out to friends, knowing that if they care it will show.